try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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