the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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