Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
