pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
