I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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