I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
