Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
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My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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