put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
