This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I didn't notice because vodka
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
