lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
