she looked like the before picture.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
