You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize