But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
