obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
