forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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