Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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