oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
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Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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