Yo dont text me then not text me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
