new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
