So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
