True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
