today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He did a backflip because drugs
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
