I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
