I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i barfeds in our rink
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
