I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
