Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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