You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize