the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
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I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
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Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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