I will die if light touches me.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
