I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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