So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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