I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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