after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
