i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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