PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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