Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize