I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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