i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
