Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
