So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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