And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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