"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
