i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
