Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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