My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's always time for handjobs
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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