Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
