u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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