oh god the rape fog is back!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
