I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
