oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
