never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
