Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
