i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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