is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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