Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
