You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
