i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
