you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need a beard to bite.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
