We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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