There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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