Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
