phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
