Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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