I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize