I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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