Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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