my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
