Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
