dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
