She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
