Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I didn't shave. On purpose
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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