if you like me you must not know who I am
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize