Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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