my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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