I'm going to jail i love you
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
