Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize