So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
