Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
