just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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