meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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